How to Date with Anxiety

Mental health is something I talk about a lot on my blog even though I’m solely based around makeup. I struggle with multiple mental illnesses and I want to show the difficulties you face when living with anxiety. I have spoken about my awful dating experience before with this post. The anxiety I have experienced with dating has left me in car parks before the date almost throwing up into a carrier bag in my car because I am so nervous. I am not an expert, I am just talking about my personal struggles when dating with my anxiety and hopefully some of you can relate or if your partner has anxiety then hopefully you can understand them more.

 

What’s difficult when you first start dating

  • The first date nerves are hard for anyone but anxiety adds substantial pressure. Your self-esteem lowers and your ‘inner chatterbox’ becomes more negative with the affirmations it gives you about yourself.
  • A conversation in person becomes scary, what do you say? what if you try and be funny and it backfires?
  • Kissing them for the first time seems impossibly scary, you overthink how stupid you would look if you learned in the wrong way or you weren’t that much of a good kisser.
  • Touching made me nervous on first dates, i.e hand holding because I would get self-conscious if my hands were sweaty.
  • You overthink reply times. ‘if I reply straight away he might think I’m clingy’ it’s a very common panic.

 

What’s difficult when in a relationship

  • Panicking that maybe your partner suddenly doesn’t feel the same anymore.
  • Trust issues randomly pop up here and there.
  • Scared of opening up in case it scares your SO.
  • You STILL overthink every little thing that happens with your partner or everything they say you replay the tone of voice and easily upset yourself further.
  • Self-esteem still continue to affect things
  • Overthinking arguments and little disagreements seem like THE END.

 

How to cope

  • COMMUNICATE! When people say communication is key they weren’t lying. Your partner might be good but not that good that they can read minds. Talking about the pace of your relationship and talking about how slow you want to take the psychical side will put you at ease. If your partner doesn’t understand this then they aren’t the one for you.
  • CHANNEL YOUR EMOTIONS. When you start feeling or thinking certain things, try not to jump at your partner straight away, simmer with your thoughts a bit. I have made the mistake many times of saying stupid things in the heat of the moment when I’m feeling anxious/overwhelmed.
  • DISTRACTIONS. Distract yourself by throwing yourself back into your hobbies when things in your relationship feel stressful.
  • TALK TO FRIENDS OR PEOPlE YOU TRUST. Cry about things if you need to, just talk to people around you that you can trust if things become hard before the first date or when in a relationship. I remember my mum having to talk me down from a panic attack before I went on a date to the cinema.
  • GIVE EACH OTHER SPACE. Give each other a bit of space from time to time, it’s easy to feel smothered when youre constantly around someone.

 

Hope you enjoyed this post and hopefully you could relate. Also wishing that the things I said may help some of you! Take care – Beth x

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2 thoughts on “How to Date with Anxiety

  1. Oh goodness, first dates are the worst for my anxiety – I’ve even gotten so sick that I’ll cancel last minute or find ways of getting out of going entirely. Anxiety has even inspired me to ghost people, which I’m NOT proud of.

    So I understand a bit. And I agree – communication really is everything. Sometimes just telling the person that you have anxiety or that you’re experiencing a strong episode can help, especially if they’re receptive and willing to back off a bit and let you calm down.

    Liked by 1 person

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