Recap for 2019
2019 has easily been one of the worst years I have ever endured. It has been full of pain, sadness and loss. I don’t want to portray this perfect life that isn’t true. Of course, every human has their ups and downs but that’s all part of the course that’s life.
Losing my best friend
In April I sadly lost my best friend to suicide. It was all so sudden and I was completely shocked. I was never fully able to come to terms with the fact he had felt so low he did what he did. Not a day goes by when I don’t miss him, his smile, his energy, everything. It taught me how important it was to talk about mental health instead of keeping it bottled up. If any of you are reading and feel this way too, stop and call 116 123 (UK). It’s a helpline by The Samaritans to talk about how you currently feel.
I won’t touch too much on this one because I don’t really want to talk about it but, I ended a few toxic relationships and friendships this year too. Let’s just say even though it hurt me at the time, I came back out of them a stronger person.
My mental health kindly started to deteriorate around September, luckily after going back onto my medication, I feel a lot less helpless. It’s a slow process but I’ve got through it so many times I know I’ll be ok.
Due to a lot of issues in my personal life, I somewhat abandoned makeup and felt a little bit like I didn’t belong in the community. I found it really hard to be creative and express my art when people were being recognised and I wasn’t. Of course, I’m happy for those that were chosen it just sometimes feels like I am not enough. The one thing I have learnt is to stop comparing myself to others and do my own thing.
I know I have been kind of negative so far in my recap but, there are some positive changes that I made this year. I started to look after my psychical fitness more this year, I made working out a priority.
I have truly found some good friends this year, online and in my personal life. One of the people I’ve grown closest to is my friend Nicole . Even though she battles chronic illness she’s always there for me when I have been at my lowest. The second best friend I have made is Andy, this guy is truly kind and amazing. Thank you for being so amazing!
2019 may have been predominately awful but its been full of lessons. The pain I’ve gone through has taught me so much about myself, others and what to do in the future. Tomorrow I’ll be posting my 2020 goals so stay tuned!
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas mine was somewhat ok, I had to work all of Christmas so I only managed to spend a little bit of time with family. I am looking forward to all the content I have planned for 2010. Take care – Beth x